Log in

Previous 10 | Next 10

Aug. 14th, 2010


Almost done!

I'm almost done with the drawing. I just need to figure out what to do for the background and some other finishing touches. There are a few things that need to be fixed too.

I have no idea what to do for the background. What do you all think?

Aug. 12th, 2010


update on drawing

I've been working on this on and off all day. I'll do it for about an hour and then do other stuff for an hour or two before going back to it.

It's been very therapeutic for me. I've been so depressed and this drawing is the only thing that's keeping me from going out of my mind. I think that's why Frankie doesn't mind that I'm working on it so much.

Here's a pic!

:) I LOVE how it's coming!

Can't sleep

I can't sleep at night. I seem to be going to sleep at about 4 am every other morning and waking up between 7 and 8. The alternate days I'm going to sleep at about 9 pm and waking up at the same time. It's weird.

I think it's because of what's going on with my grandfather. Ever since Saturday I've been sleeping only every other day. He's really not doing well and I personally don't think he's going to make it. I want him to but I think this might be it. So that's part of it at least.

Then there's this whole obsession I have lately about my artwork. I have so many ideas for drawings that I want to do. I'm getting friends to model for me so I have some good reference photos.

Last night when I couldn't sleep I worked on my friend's drawing. I have her son's eyes mostly done and the top of his head needs a bit more work. I think I spent about 2 hours' or so total last night. There's the part that I posted on here and then another hour's worth.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm going to drop. Yet all I want to do is grab my easel and bring it upstairs so I can do it.

*sigh* I need sleep and I need to find out what's going on with my grandpa. My sister was supposed to call me last night and let me know if he was going to have another operation (he had one on Tuesday and they were saying he might need another one right away). That's also another reason why I couldn't sleep. I kept on worrying about him and wondering what's going on.


The NEED to draw

My grandfather isn't doing so well. One of the ways I deal with stuff is to draw. I decided to work on my friend Annette's drawing that I've been meaning to do. It's of her family.

I have the outline done and I started shading in her son's face. I did his right eye and the right side of his head.

It's not as clear as I would like. There's more detail in the iris. But it's as good as I'm going to get tonight.

What do you think so far?

Just the outline and the pic I'm drawing from under the cutCollapse )

Aug. 8th, 2010



I finished working on my dreads. Well all but the last two. I gave up a few hours ago. Between the kids, friends, and some unwanted drama....well I just didn't get to work on them as much as I wanted to. The last 2 really need some work. Not as bad as some did, but they've been very neglected. They're at the base of my neck and in the middle...so they're hard to work on properly.

I am so happy with my dreads lately. Yes they're insane and it seems like a lot of work every 2 weeks. But honestly they're not that difficult the rest of the time. I just separate and throw them up when I go out. Though I might put them up less and less. I really like how they look today and can totally see myself wearing them down more. Maybe just put them up on hot days and days where I'm visiting family.

Anyway, here's a pic I just took.


I know, could've shown them off better. Oh well.

2 more pics...but of individual dreadsCollapse )

I'm so happy with my dreadies!

Workin on my dreadies

OK...so my dreads are now 1 month and 2 weeks old. I'm doing some maintenance. Here are two pictures. Each is a different side of my head. I would say I'm about 1/3 or so the way done. I've been doing this for 2 hours. But it's a big difference! Especially the ones at the nape of my neck which are mostly loops.

month1week2neat month1week2unneat

Aug. 5th, 2010


(no subject)

Despair and loneliness filled the room. The air became thick and suffocating. Once empty, now the room felt crowded, though no one had entered. She looked over at the aging man and realized that they had come for him. The end was near.

My grandfather is in the hospital. His intestines are perforated. They said at first that if they don't operate then he'll die. But because of his weakened body (he has parkinson's and a weak heart and is very old) he most likely won't survive the operation. As is they can't operate for a few days because they need to try and get him healthier first.

Then they said that it looked like the hole was healing on its own. Because of the perforation his abdomen had filled up with air. The air seemed to be dissipating on its own. Yesterday they used a cat scan to guide a needle into the areas that were filled with air to get rid of the air. They said that if he doesn't fill up with air again then the hole has closed and he won't need to be operated on.

He seemed to be doing better after they released the air. He was alert and talking and aware. HUGE difference from earlier that day.

I know that soon he'll die. I don't know how soon though. He might last another year if his intestinal wall has healed itself. I keep on thinking about the other people I've known who have died though and what I experienced with that.

Before a person dies their soul is taken. I know that goes against what a lot of people believe, but it's what I've witnessed. I've only actually witnessed it once and even then it wasn't fully. Usually it's where I go and I can't see that spark in them anymore and I know they're going to die. With my father's mother the room became very crowded even though only a few of us were there. I had to leave the house for a bit, run some errands. I just needed to get away. I couldn't watch them take her, even though I knew that's why they were there. When I got back her soul was gone. She died 3 days later. The cancer had put her into a coma about a week before, so I know she felt no pain.

Every time my grandfather has been to the hospital I look and see his soul and feel relief. This time it's different. Yesterday his soul was still there, but I can't help and feel that it's not going to be there for long. I'm afraid to go visit him again because I don't think I can handle not seeing his soul there or being there when they come for it.

I'm going to go later, after Frankie gets home from work. But I don't want to. I don't want to look at my grandfather and know if he's going to die soon.

I know that it's good for him, if he does go. I know he's miserable because he can't do anything he used to. He was always a strong man. Never got even so much as a cold and always took care of everyone. Now he can hardly move without assistance and needs everyone's help. While we so don't mind helping him, I can see in his eyes that it's humiliating for him. He's told me that he wishes he could do for himself again.

I don't want him to go though. I'm selfish like that. Human nature I guess.

Aug. 1st, 2010


Feeling sooooooo good!

Friday night I met some friends at Resurrection, a goth club in Amityville.

I wore a short black and purple school girl skirt and a black shirt that reads: Don't Worry. There's gotta be someone around here that'll fuck you." I wore new boots that I just LOVE (gotta luv Utopia) and put my dreads up in pig tails. I also *gasp* wore make up! lol

Frankie took some pictures before I left. Oddly when we went to get them out of the camera the camera was empty. Go fig. Frankie wants to take them again. lol I have to admit that I looked pretty hot.

Yes, even a hippie can goth it out with the best of em. lol

Anyway, I had a blast at the club. Because it was dollar drinks until 11 I decided to take advantage a bit. I got there at about 10:20 and before 11 I had 3 or 4 rum and cokes, a shot of vodka, and a tequilla martini. Then a friend convinced me to have 2 comocozies (sp?) and after I had a long island iced tea. At midnight they had free jello shots and I had 3 of them. After that I was taking sips of a friend's beer on and off.

I stopped drinking at about 1:30. I couldn't drive so I went home with some friends and passed out on their couch. We got to their place at about 4:30. Libbie had to help me with my shoes and I was passed out before they were even off. lol

Anyway, I had a total blast! Got to see friends, hang out, get wasted, and basically have a good ol time.

The best part was when this guy was trying to guess everyone's ages. He thought I was 21!!!!!! That made me feel sooooooo good! (for the record...I'm 32).


Today I decided I wanted to look good. I'm wearing a new shirt that is a size M (!) and a long skirt that looks great with the shirt. I'll have Frankie take a picture later. lol I put on some make up and pulled my hair back.

I decided to mess with the web cam and took the picture that's now my avatar.

I just feel this surge of good! lol I am happy. I feel pretty for the first time in forever. I don't feel quite so fat.

Now if only I wasn't a bit sick. Seems I've got a stomach bug. But I'm not letting that ruin my day of pretty. lol

Need to make an appointment

A discussion in a group I'm in led me to think more on my health. I'm not what one would consider a healthy person. The only time I've even felt healthy was while a raw vegan. You all know how well that turned out (can't seem to stick with it).

I'm making a list of my health concerns. Most of the things I want to talk to my dr about I haven't, but that's mostly because I've spoken to other drs about it and they either found nothing or told me it wasn't worth worrying about.

Health concernsCollapse )

I hate doctors. I really do. Half the time they never know what they're talking about and the other half of the time they never find anything. They insist that a person can't possibly know what's going on with their body. It's annoying. To be treated like an idiot because I'm in pain and they can't find anything wrong and then insist that nothing's wrong. Hmmmmm....if I'm in pain so bad I can't function then obviously something's wrong. And no, that bump on my arm that has been growing for years ISN'T caused because I banged my arm. I think I would know if I banged it so hard that it caused something to GROW there!

Yeah, I can't stand them. But I'll go. Enough people are pushing me to. I just don't see why I can't simply avoid the things that give me pain.

Jul. 29th, 2010



So I took out two of the dreads last night to make bangs. I'm going to cut them but not short. I want them a bit long still. I just have some dead ends to take care of.

Here is a pic before bangs...taken 2 days ago:

month1day3 down

Here's a pic I took this morning:


Previous 10 | Next 10